I've been working at this recovery thing for a long time--twelve years--and the longer I'm at it, the more I realize that there is always a "next step." Even after you're physically healthy and well-adjusted, you'll likely think, "I want an even better relationship with my body," or, "I want to be even happier with my life than I am right now," or whatever version of the self-improvement tape you play in your brain. This isn't a bad thing; it's just part of being a self-aware human being. But it does mean making goals and trying to achieve them, and THAT means risking failure...because, let's be honest, failure happens.
Even as a seasoned recovery veteran, I am not immune to setbacks. Recently, I made a new goal with enthusiasm and determination...and then I stopped to assess my progress and discovered that actually I hadn't made very much. This was not for lack of trying; it's just that sometimes even when I work hard, it doesn't pay off right away. I know this is normal, but somehow it is always disappointing. So, I reached out to a dear friend of mine and vented about how frustrated I was with myself for not being successful right away, etc. etc. In response, this friend gave me validation and compassion, but more than that, she gave me...a Jewish source. Yep. Because I have friends like that.
"For a righteous man can fall seven times and rise, but the wicked shall stumble upon evil."
-Proverbs 24:16
My friend pointed out that not only does this mean that even the righteous experience failure (and often!), but also that the defining characteristic of a "righteous" person is that he or she rises after falling...and keeps trying. A wicked person fails and gives up, but a righteous person experiences setbacks and continues to fight.
But then, my friend told me something that I thought was even more interesting: she said, it is taught that the worst aspect of the Yetzer HaRa (the "evil inclination" that we all have), is not hatred or anger or cruelty...it's despair. Why? Because when one falls into despair, one stops trying, and then failure is inevitable--not because one never had a chance, but because one stopped believing in that chance.
For me, that really resonates--the idea that the worst thing we can do is to give up on ourselves, to believe that we can never change. When I realized that I hadn't met my goal right away, one of my first thoughts was, "This always happens!" It's natural to follow that thought with, "Well, then why keep trying?" I have often had that thought when I try to implement change, and then I do stop trying, and then, no surprise, I don't change. And that is what the Yetzer HaRa wants: for me to stay stuck in a low place, where I am more likely to slip back into negative thoughts and behaviors.
What would it mean, then, to say, "NO," to discouragement, to rise after falling? It would mean abandoning the easy way out--giving up--in favor of the tougher, but more rewarding, pursuit of the life we want and deserve to have. I have often thought, and heard others say, "I know what I need to do, but I can't make myself do it." That, right there, is the Yetzer HaRa talking. That's the voice of resignation and despair. But we can choose to listen to a different voice, the righteous voice that says, "Keep trying! You'll get it!"
It's hard to switch voices, and it's also hard to take ownership of the fact that we CAN change and therefore need to work to make it happen. But it's so, so worth it. It helps to remember that righteousness means not perfection, but perseverance, and that's something we can all do. Failure is uncomfortable, but it's only permanent if we give up. Instead, we have to listen to the voice deep inside us that says, "Keep going! You can do it! And you're worth it."
Because you are.
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