"What I Be"

I love a good photograph.  More than any other art form, photography has the power to move me deeply, to stop me in my tracks.  It just amazes me, what a truly skilled photographer can capture with one click of the shutter.

A few days ago, I learned about the "What I Be" photography project created by Steve Rosenfield; particularly, the series he created in partnership with students at Yeshiva University in NYC.  Each photograph features a head shot of an individual who has a bold message written on his or her arms, face, or chest.  Next to each image is the statement, "I am not my _______," with the blank filled in by the subject's greatest insecurity.  Through the "What I Be with the Jews of NYC" project, Rosenfield addresses head-on the stigmas and taboos that are often prevalent in observant Jewish communities.

Of course, this bold project has been met with plenty of controversy and opposing viewpoints among members of the YU community.  I won't use this forum to discuss the debate, but I will share my personal opinion of the project:

I. Love. This.  LOVE IT.

I can't quite imagine the courage it must have taken each one of the subjects to bear his or her greatest fear to family, community, and beyond, but I am so grateful to everyone who was willing to "put it out there."  Is the project provocative?  Absolutely.  It challenges us to face the reality of who is within our communities, and what struggles reside there.  And, while it might be perceived by some as a gratuitous airing of "dirty laundry," I would argue that "dirty laundry" is everywhere.  We all have it.   I have often felt too "flawed and complicated" to truly belong to any community.  And yet, as I viewed the images in this photography project, I came face to face with dozens of people whose insecurities and struggles mirrored my own.  Many times, I found myself thinking, "Wait, that happens here, too?"  The answer is, YES.  It happens here.  Mental illness; emotional instability; trauma; diversity in race, family structure, and sexual orientation--it all happens, everywhere.  While acknowledging it might be uncomfortable, discomfort leads to growth…and growth, hopefully, leads to inclusion and compassion and mutual support.  

Furthermore, how about that message:  "I am not my _________."  While it's important to be able to give voice to our challenges, it is also critical not to be defined by them.  When we're open about our vulnerabilities, we do risk being seen as, "The person with problem X."  How vital it is, then, for us to practice saying (and believing), "Yes, I have problem X, but I AM NOT problem X."  After all the time I spent in treatment, and all the years in which my eating disorder was front and center in my mind, it has been a huge relief to realize, "I am not my eating disorder."  I also am not my exercise routine, or my perfectionism, or my social anxiety.  The gift of recovery is realizing that those are just pieces of a much larger, richer puzzle that is ME.  And although I want to be able to be open about my struggles, I also want to be sure to project to the world a version of myself that is more comprehensive than just the "Struggle Edition."  We all deserve to be seen and accepted as our authentic selves.  But before we can expect others to be okay with who we are, we need to be okay with who we are.

So, the next time your insecurities start to feel like the core of who you are, practice saying to yourself, "I am not my ______.  It's part of me, but it isn't all of me."  And, the more you practice saying this, to yourself and out loud to the world, the more likely it is that you'll meet others who will say, "I've been there, too."