Wow...when I look back on my last post, it seems like I wrote it so long ago (even though it was really only 12 days). Since then, I've had to readjust to being home in the States after a month in my "other home" in Israel, and I'll admit that reentry has had some rocky spots. It's tough to transition between two places, even when (or perhaps because) I adore both of them. I have a hard time writing from that "ungrounded" space, so this post has been a while in coming...but, in the interim, a couple of things happened to give my creative juices a kick:
1) Rosh Chodesh Elul!
2) The yarhzeit of Rabbi Abraham Isaac Kook (ג אלול)
Why are these important? Well, Elul happens to be one of my favorite months of the year due to its emphasis on introspection, self-evaluation, and teshuva (yep...I love that stuff!). And, no one is a greater source of inspiration for me in the areas of teshuva and self-reflection than Rav Kook. I've quoted him several times on this blog, and I'm about to do so again--every time I read his work, I come away with something new.
I think recovery is one of the greatest forms of teshuva that there is; it's a process of turning away from an unhealthy lifestyle and re-embracing--and recommitting to--the positively productive, fulfilling, and connected lives we were meant to lead. I'm going to share three excerpts from Rav Kook's famous work, Orot HaTeshuva (The Lights of Penitence), and I'll explain how I see each one relating to recovery as a process of teshuva.
(Note: Rav Kook consistently uses the masculine form when referring to "person," and I'm keeping his gendered language intact for the sake of preserving the text. But, feel free to make whatever substitutions you would like in your own mind!)
Rav Kook writes:
"It is in the nature of penitence to endow a person with peace and with solemnity at the same time. Even the mere thought of penitence is a comfort to him. In one tiny glimmer of its great light there is already to be found the noble happiness of a whole world, but together with this it confronts his spirit constantly with the obligation of completing it. This saves him from pride and invests him with a sweet light, which endows his life with great and abiding value."
What I love about this is how Rav Kook recognizes that the very step of THINKING about teshuva (or recovery!) is valuable in and of itself. A person can feel heartened and galvanized when she first commits to the idea of recovery, and it's important to recognize that the readiness to be open to this process is significant. However, Rav Kook also cautions us against falling into the trap of only thinking about it, and not actually doing it. The intention to do teshuva is commendable, but ultimately it needs to lead to actions that follow through. This is also true regarding recovery--setting goals is important, but then so is actually working towards them. If we are going to be truthfully committed to this process, then we have the responsibility of sticking with it and actually making it happen. But, it's not only the end result of all that work that has value--it's the very process itself.
Continuing his ideas about the process of teshuva, Rav Kook says:
"Through the thoughts of penitence a person hears G-d's voice calling him, from the Torah and from the feelings of the heart, from the world and its fullness, and all that is contained therein."
Yes. Yes. YES.
For me, there is nothing ultimately more comforting than knowing--feeling--that Hashem is my greatest coach. I view recovery as more than just maintaining my physical health, but also using my healthy body to help me live the life that G-d wants me to lead. When I struggle with feelings of, "Maybe I can't go any farther," I do seek out the voice of Hashem for reassurance and comfort. For me, I find that connection with Hashem in nature--there is no way I can be still and alert in the natural world and not hear and feel the call of Hashem. When I'm in a place of fear or ambivalence or confusion regarding what to do next in recovery, going for a walk or sitting outside helps me feel grounded in connection to Hashem, and that gives me the resolve to keep pushing. If "nature" isn't your thing, I really encourage you to find SOMEWHERE where you can hear G-d's voice most clearly, where He can give you encouragement to turn your thoughts of recovery into actions.
Finally, I have one last Rav Kook nugget to share:
"I see how the sins serve as an obstruction against the bright divine light, which shines so brightly on every soul, and they darken the soul. Penitence, even if it is only entertained in thought, effects a great redress. But the soul can reach full liberation only when the potential of penitence is translated into action. However, since the thought is tied up with holiness and with the desire for penitence, there is no need to be concerned. G-d, may He be praised, will surely make available all the circumstances for the attainment of full penitence, which illumines all the dark places in its light."
If we think of recovery as teshuva, the message is clear: As long as we are committed to the process and willing to do the work, Hashem will provide us with whatever support we need to make it happen. We don't need to worry, "What if I can't do it?" The truth is, G-d will make sure that we can...we just have to be brave enough to make use of the tools He gives us.
Going into Elul, I encourage each of us to think of a way we could further advance our own recovery...and then start doing it. May this lead us into a new year of growth and satisfaction!
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