The past two weeks have been unusually trying ones, headlined by a major crisis at work and filled in with the more-mundane-yet-still-stressful demands of my professional and personal lives. I've had to pull out all my tricks in the name of maintaining some semblance of emotional equilibrium, and what I've discovered is that learning Torah makes for some great distress tolerance. Text study exercises my intellectual powers and allows me to shelve my feelings for a bit, permitting me to operate in a realm that is dominated by the analytical--not the emotional. Over the past ten days, when I've needed to ground myself in something I've often found myself turning to my chumash.
If you like cubits and animal sacrifices, the past two weeks' worth of parshiot would be right up your alley. Personally, I don't find either of those topics overly compelling, but this week in particular I found something in the parasha that grabbed me. It's small (I like small things), it's mysterious (fun!)...it's...
A little aleph.
Yep, a little aleph, right there at the end of the first word of the parasha: vayikra. Why the tiny letter, in a text written painstakingly and precisely by hand?
The word, vayikra (ויקרא), can be translated as, "and He called" (as in, Hashem called to Moshe). The Sages explain that the word, called, indicates a degree of closeness and affection that Hashem felt for Moshe. Without the aleph, however, the word becomes, vayikar (ויקר), which means, "He happened upon." Vayikar denotes a coincidental or accidental relationship, and in comparison with the implied meaning of vayikra, is indicative of an inferior connection. It is also used to describe Hashem's interaction with Bilaam, the gentile prophet known for being haughty and indifferent to the power of Hashem in the world. In contrast, Hashem calls to Moshe, a man who is the epitome of humility and sensitivity to the Divine presence.
That distinction seems to make solid sense...but why is the aleph at the end of vayikra so tiny? The Sages teach that it is because Moshe was so humble that he didn't believe he deserved for Hashem to call to him; he thought the word, vayikar, was prestigious enough for him. Hashem, on the other hand, wanted to express His affection and love for Moshe through the use of the word, vayikra. Because Moshe was so uncomfortable with the idea that he merited that supreme honor, Hashem compromised with him and allowed Moshe to write vayikra with a little aleph.
What I take from this is that humility is an important virtue...but so is recognizing one's significance. It's almost as if Hashem said to Moshe, "I know you think you're not special, but *I* know that you are. I won't force you to publicly acknowledge that you are exemplary, but neither will I let you forget that you are precious in My eyes."
Jewish tradition makes it clear that Moshe Rabbenu was one of the greatest men our people has ever known; yet, this man with so many gifts was also plagued by self-doubt. Part of what (I think) makes Moshe such an inspiring personality is that he was able to find balance between recognizing his uniquely prestigious role among the Jewish people, and believing that he was completely ordinary. Moshe found a way to acknowledge and honor his value without letting it consume him or alienate him from other people or from Hashem. This balance is what the little aleph symbolizes.
We all need the little aleph in our lives. We need to believe that although we are not everything, we are something. We might not be the most important person in the entire world, but we are uniquely created and loved by Hashem. And, we can comfort ourselves with the knowledge that at times when we're not able to believe that we have value, Hashem will keep the little aleph handy as a way to call to us and remind us of our specialness and importance to this world.
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