Be Amazed

When I first began working on recovery, I had this idea in my mind that Recovery = Perfection.  This made me anxious because I was pretty sure I would never be perfect...so, imagine my relief when I realized that recovery does not, in fact, have to be flawless.  Recovery is authentic living, with all of life's ups and downs.  When I committed myself to recovery I also signed myself up for the full range of human emotions, even the negative ones.  Because I was also giving up my unhealthy coping mechanisms, I would need some tools to help me handle the uncomfortable feelings that were bound to pop up.  Some of these strategies have proven more effective than others, and here I want to share with you one of my secret weapons...

...WONDER.

Yes, wonder...or, as Abraham Joshua Heschel terms it, "radical amazement."  In radical amazement, a person is able to marvel at even the most mundane elements of daily life.  He or she knows that there are routines and laws of nature that control most phenomena, but this does not dampen the sense of wonder at the fact that the world exists as it is.  In speaking about a person who views the world through the lens of radical amazement, Heschel says, "Looking at the world he would say, 'This is the Lord's doing, it is marvelous in our eyes.'" (Psalms 118:23)

Now, if you've ever read any of Heschel's work, you know that it can be rather dense and mind-boggling (and if you haven't read Heschel, just take my word for it).  There is no way I can adequately summarize his teachings on radical amazement in one blog entry, but I do think I can explain how I use it.  It's pretty simple, actually:

Step 1:  Go outside.
Step 2:  Find nature.
Step 3:  Notice.
Step 4:  Be amazed.

Even when I'm deep in a funk, doing those four things never fails to crack the armor and let some light into my life.  I find it impossible to remain completely unhappy when I stop to truly appreciate the natural world.  Two weeks ago, I was experiencing a rather significant dip in my mood.  When Shabbat rolled around I was lonely and negative, and the rainy weather wasn't helping.  Midway through the afternoon, I decided I couldn't sit in my apartment any longer, so I put on my rainboots, grabbed an umbrella, and walked a few blocks to my favorite neighborhood park, which has a little wildlife sanctuary tucked into it.  I went into the sanctuary and started walking along the path by the pond, and when I happened to look up I saw a heron standing on a tree branch not more than 50 feet from where I was standing. The bird was magnificent, silhouetted against the gray sky.  I stood under my umbrella and watched that heron for almost half an hour.  It began to groom itself, taking its long, hairlike feathers in its beak and wiping them all clean.  It stretched, first one leg and then the other.  When it finally spread its wings and flew away, I realized that I was smiling for the first time all day.  I felt as though Hashem had brought me to that spot in the park at that exact moment because He knew what I needed:  a close encounter with the beauty of the natural world.

If there are no herons by you, don't worry--you can practice wonder for even the smallest things.  Have you ever noticed how perfectly rain beads up on the surface of a leaf, or how beautiful a birdsong can be?  Do you stop to touch flowers?  When was the last time you stood still and witnessed a sunrise, or a sunset?  These are such simple parts of daily life, so easy to take for granted...but if you stop to really marvel at their magnificence, you will feel more connected to Hashem and to the Divine energy in the world.  As Heschel explains, "This is one of the goals of the Jewish way of living:  to experience commonplace deeds as spiritual adventures, to feel the hidden love and wisdom in all things."  Radical amazement doesn't solve all the conflicts and stresses of life, but it certainly makes the journey more meaningful and worthwhile!