Receiving is Giving

In this week's parashah, Vayeirah, Abraham eagerly extends hospitality to three visitors passing by his tent. He offers them bread and water, then proceeds to prepare for them an elaborate feast. The visitors turn out to be three angels, sent to inform Abraham and Sarah of Sarah's future pregnancy. In learning about this parshah, I've consulted several sources, many of which examine why Hashem sent angels to receive hospitality from Abraham. When he offered to host the visitors, Abraham was still recovering from his circumcision, no doubt feeling less than his best. Angels do not actually need food, or water, or shelter--so why did they accept Abraham's invitation, instead of politely declining and encouraging Abraham to rest and take care of himself? The answer I have repeatedly come upon is that the angels didn't accept for their own benefit; they accepted for Abraham's benefit. They knew how important it was to Abraham to be hospitable to guests, how much he yearned to give to others, and their role was to give him the opportunity to fulfill that mitzvah. By allowing Abraham to give to them, the angels provided Abraham with a way to feel valuable, to experience connection, and to demonstrate his kindness.

I find this perspective so interesting because it emphasizes the idea that it is not only giving that is important, but also receiving. Something that has always been hard for me is accepting kindness from others. Whether it's because I think I don't deserve it, or because I simply do not want anyone to think I'm needy or dependent, I have an exceedingly difficult time allowing other people to give to me. Part of my work in recovery has been learning how to receive gracefully--how to accept compliments, favors, gifts, and assistance without bringing judgment on board, as well.

I know that there is nothing I find more fulfilling than giving to other people; and yet, I hesitate to allow others the opportunity to experience the pleasure of giving to me. This week's parashah reminds me that when I accept kindness from another person, I am not the only one who benefits. In a way, receiving is giving--it is providing another person the chance to feel needed, useful, and valued. I hope we can all find ways to feel satisfaction from extending kindness to others...and, that we become more comfortable allowing others to return the compassion to us.